I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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