Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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