So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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