my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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