yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
