Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
