it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
