I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
