I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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