I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
