He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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