South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
