You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
