my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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