awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
