My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
