Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
