I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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