my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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