she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
