I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
