My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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