I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm both gender and math confused
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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