I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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