I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
