Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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