AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
