My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
