i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize