You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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