4 words: hood of his car
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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