she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
