You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
