I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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