I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
