You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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