Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
