I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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