In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
