I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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