i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
