he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
