Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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