Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
