somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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