You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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