I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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