i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
