I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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