I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
