Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
