"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
