Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
