I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
