I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
