Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
