they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
The Olympian is in my bed
I want a musical about memes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize