I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
