The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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