Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
