He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
