Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
