Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
