upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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