And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
