I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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