...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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