He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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