I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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