"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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