Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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