i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
