what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
