I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
