You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
