Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
