the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
