I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
